Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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