Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize