I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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