I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
