i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Text me some of your sweat
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
