I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
