I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
