We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
