I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
