i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize