okay pat passed out under dana's car
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
