there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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