By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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