Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
