come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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