The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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