Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
