my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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