soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize