I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
