I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize