Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
