I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize