I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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