So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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