she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
