Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
