Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
