Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
