omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
