Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Duck Duck Cougar?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
