He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
