I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
