2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
