mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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