The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
