So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
