eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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