i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
