I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Damn victory sex feels great
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