i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
