Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
