You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
