he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
