there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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