New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
