Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
