apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
