I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
