im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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