Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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