I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
