can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
