Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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