Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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