Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
