lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
