I just made out with a guy for $7.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
