When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
