u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
