As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
