How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
