i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
