I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
