don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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