Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Randomize