I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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