You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
