I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
