at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
