hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
