so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
that's an acceptable place to lick
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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