I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
