Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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